Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
