1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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