I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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