Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize