In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
