ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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