Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
