Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
