Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
