Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I came so hard my ears popped.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
