did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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