Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
