I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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