Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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