i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
