i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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