Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My hand turned me down
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
