the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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