im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
