PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
