this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize