Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
