Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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