I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So many bounce houses so little time
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
