Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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