P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
