I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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