Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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