so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize