frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
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My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
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It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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