so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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