My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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