So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
