I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
