69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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