Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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