Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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