I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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