This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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