i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm always down for nudity.
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