apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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