There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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