Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
