Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
