Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
