He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
