but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
