I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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