and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
