I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
