Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
