I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
it's great music for shaving your balls
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
