he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
