so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
