Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
