I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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