at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
