god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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