My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
